Global Warming, Chads and Schmuckville

Jackie Mason is one of my favorites, Check this article and Laugh Loud

Live From New York
Methane He Doth Protest Too Much
By Jackie Mason & Raoul Felder
Published 5/3/2007 12:07:25 AM

When we wrote about Gore in our first book, we intended to leave him behind like a chewed-over pastrami sandwich left on a delicatessen table and move on to other Schmucks in our on-going tour of Schmuckville. But he does not permit us to do so.

We believed Al Gore would be happily retired, adrift in his delusions of inventing the Internet and discovering the Love Canal (which, our neighbor Benny, the defrocked pharmacist — who lost his license for selling Viagra to Muslim undertakers to be placed in coffins in case the departed ran out steam when they met their allotted forty virgins — explained had something to do with female anatomy). We thought, like a punch drunk fighter, he would spent the rest of his days boring people, explaining he wuz robbed by the referee, and could’ve been a champion.

However, leaving his Chads behind — and from the look of Gore today — we have an idea of where he stuffed them, he now became the Guru of Global Warming.

Global Warming is a highly politicized subject, so inculcated into our collective psyches by the liberal media as a reality, that notwithstanding the fact hundreds of scientists believe it is a merely a cyclical phenomenon that has existed for thousands of years, to even question its existence relegates you to the insanity of a Holocaust denier.

Gore, with no scientific training, other than that of supporting Clinton’s penetrating explorations into assorted body parts of ladies who had the happy or unhappy experiences of being after hours visitors to the Oval Office, assumed the role of the validator and spokesperson for Global Warming. He even made a movie about it, and in fact won an Academy Award for it.

Suddenly, all of this somehow propelled him into being a potential candidate for President. To prove how serious he was, he started losing weight. We have heard of women who lose weight to get into last summer’s bikini, and of old men who also lose weight to stuff themselves into ancient tuxedos or new young girl friends, but this is a historic first: joining Weight Watchers to become President.

Now, we are not scientists, but, to us, the winters seem colder not hotter. The Carbon Dioxide that is supposed to be the villain, is actually good not bad for trees, which everybody says are good for the planet. In fact, governments all over the world are expending effort and money to preserve the forests and plant new trees. The statistics show that using alternate fuels for automobiles actually costs more (considering government subsidies) and in the long run requires greater overall energy consumption than does gasoline.

Apparently, a great deal of the ozone problem is caused by methane gas, a principal source being the flatulence of cows. Our unworthy thought it may be more efficient and less costly to buy some Gas-X for the cows than the more sophisticated and costly alternative means suggested.

All of Gore’s sputterings might be the proper subject of honest debate, expect for one thing. Gore, as we have all now learned, is patently a hypocrite. He lives in a house that in one week, consumes twenty times the yearly energy use of an average home, and he flies around in private planes consuming vast amounts of fossil fuel and spewing enormous quantities of hurtful gasses into the atmosphere. His justification: He purchases Carbon Credits.

While few in the world can understand exactly what they are, in principle the credits are traded, for a fee, by middlemen, with the extreme offenders of pollution being made to pay money — that, in effect become the “credits.” These are now placed into an exchange, and then sold to other violators — like Gore. All of this does not change the amount of carbon produced one bit, but does produce a profit for the exchange company. Oh yes, did we forget to mention — you guessed it — Gore owns a carbon exchange company?

The proponents of Global Warming say that in a hundred years, the ocean temperature will rise five degrees and, because of melting icebergs, the Atlantic Ocean will extend into the land an additional nine inches. Just in case, we will definitely sell our Miami Beach condominiums in ninety years. Of course, if Gore will just shut up, the hot air lost may be just enough to save the icebergs.

Jackie Mason is a comedian. Raoul Felder is an attorney. Their new book is entitled Schmucks!: Our Favorite Fakes, Frauds, Lowlifes, Liars, the Armed and Dangerous, and Good Guys Gone Bad (HarperCollins). It has been denounced by New York Governor Eliot Spitzer.

IPCC & Spiegel positive developments due to global warming

SPIEGEL UN REPORT EXCLUSIVE

SPIEGEL Online March 02, 2007 reported that the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) report is that climate change is already having a profound effect on all the continents.

Spiegel states that:

The authors of the IPCC report have sifted through some 30,000 data sets from more than 70 international studies documenting changes to water circulation, to cryospheres (ice zones), as well as to flora and fauna over a period of at least 20 years.

Among the effects that could occur according to the SPIEGEL UN REPORT EXCLUSIVE we find that springtime is starting earlier, causing plants to bloom earlier, — allowing animals to expand their habitats into mountainous regions and higher latitudes that are becoming milder.

Months ago Polar Bears were cited as being a barometer for the arctic ecosystem in numerous articles and media reports. Canadian reports place the latest polar bear populations at a number at or above 26,000 which is several thousand greater than a few years ago. This certainly means good hunting for the Polar Bear sport hunters during the long hunting season in Northern Canada this year and many years to come.

Spiegel further reported:

The report lists specific positive developments due to global warming

More food in the north and a possibly greener Earth

The experts apparently do not have concerns about the planet’s food production capabilities. Conditions for agriculture are likely to improve in higher latitudes, leading to greater global yields

Vegetation growth will be stronger and the planet will become greener

The absorption of CO2 by plant life will to a certain extent work against climate change .

While this is just a partial list of the benefits of the Earth becoming greener as the Increased Solar Activity warms our Arctic Ice Cap and the Southern Ice Cap of Mars, more good news could be found in the latest IPCC report.

Just like in the Third IPCC report the Forth IPCC report again lowered its estimates of the possible increase in sea levels due to the limited areas of coastal glacial ice in parts of Greenland and one small part of Antarctica. Several reports have been published that even the high estimates of less then two feet of sea level rise over 100 years is very unlikely, and that the estimates are probably closer to the low estimates by the IPCC of about 7 inches over the next 100 years.

All the benefits may be short lived as Scientific Studies indicate that the cyclical solar activity has just about reached it’s peak and may very well be on it’s way down again as it has done in the past according to studies and records.

We should all be prepared for the next set of predictions and for another round of doom and gloom warning reports, warning us about the next ICE AGE(Time Magazine) and the pollution effects on the environment, and the economic impact of the high cost of heating. Cooler minds will prevail as the public now savvy to the scientific data availability on the Internet and the true intentions of Organizations bent on increasing their global powers through taxes and regulations on their dream bureaucracy, a World without boarders.

National Geographic ,February 28, 2007

“Mars Melt Hints at Solar, Not Human, Cause for Warming, Scientist Says”

Simultaneous warming on Earth and Mars suggests that our planet’s recent climate changes have a natural—and not a human- induced

Blogun, Insane news on the Rim

SweFlag

SWEDEN

is

NUMBER ONE

Tonight we found out that our favorite podcasts are back. One of them is “BloGun – Insane news on the Rim”. Not only is it back online but we also learned that Sweden is the NUMBER ONE subscriber outside of the United States!!! Heja Sverige!!!

vikcheers

The shows are GREAT! We highly recommend them. The host, SL Slaughter(Slaughter is LAUGHTER WITH AN EXTRA “S”), is a guy with a deep backwoods voice that co-hosts humor laced politically charged news with his woodland friends, most notably Charley, a raccoon.

Each podcast is fairly short which is good for the one of us with the shorter attention span that could give a chipmunk’s **s about POLITICS but does love to laugh..

ROTFLMAO

The Show discriptions are self described as:

“Just straight forward generally accurate predictive stuff intermixed with news and views from the backwoods. There seems to be a number of strange goings on in the forest of the Rim Country. Do not expect “Sweet and Light Metaphizzeling”. Do expect a wide array of happenings of great and little importance bound to tick a few people off. Mostly entertaining and generally harmless unless it isn’t.”

Check out the links below, give them a listen, subscribe to them or visit the home page every once in a while and give it a view. You will have a good laugh and maybe even learn something.

Anyways… It was GREAT TO HEAR SWEDEN WAS NUMBER ONE!!!

Heja Sverige!!!

Jihad, Danger, world political predictions, and more
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These are eclectic tidbits of what’s happening in the Rim Country, predictions, asides, viewpoints and other drivel. More entertaining than extremely serious primate issues. More or less harmless.

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An introduction to the creator of this set of programs. Predictions from a reluctant phychic on earthchanges, political changes and fun news from the forest under the rim.

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Al Gores Tries to Snow the U.S. Media Ethics Summit

Gore says media miss climate messageWednesday, 02/28/07

Journalists have leaned toward balance at expense of consensus data, he says

“A 10-year University of California study found that essentially zero percent of peer-reviewed scientific journal articles disagreed that global warming exists, whereas, another study found that 53 percent of mainstream newspaper articles disagreed the global warming premise.”

By BEVERLY KEEL The Tennessean

That is pretty good Global Warming Propaganda. Yes, all scientific data for the past 100 years indicates that there has been about a .6°C increase in Global Average Temperature. This is the sole fact that has a consensus support of almost all scientists. Scientists are not in consensus if the small increase in temperature is natural or is man-made. Scientists are not in consensus if the warming and greening of the Planet is bad or if it will result in prosperity as it did during the Medieval Warm Period.

Most scientists are in consensus that Al Gore’s Inconvenient Truth is not representative of the Truth at all.

The definition of a documentary film sure has changed over the years.

Asian Hornets in France, Non-Native Species Infestations & Global Warming Wackos

Hornets hit France and could reach Britain, Global warming has largely been blamed by IDIOTS!!!

By Peter Allen in Paris

Last Updated: 2:40am GMT 21/02/2007

Swarms of giant hornets renowned for their vicious stings and skill at massacring honeybees have settled in France.

And there are now so many of the insects that entomologists fear it will just be a matter of time before they cross to Britain.

A hornet, Asian hornet spreads to France Global warming has largely been blamed for the survival and spread of the Asian Hornet, Vespa velutina, which is thought to have arrived in France from the Far East in a consignment of Chinese pottery in late 2004.

Thousands of football-shaped hornet nests are now dotted all over the forests of Aquitaine, the south-western region of France hugely popular with British tourists.

“Their spread across French territory has been like lightning,” said Jean Haxaire, the entomologist who originally identified the new arrival.

He said he had recently seen 85 nests in the 40-odd miles which separate the towns of Marmande and Podensac, in the Lot et Garonne department where the hornets were first spotted. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/02/21/whornets21.xml

You have to laugh at the Global Warming wacko’s.

“Global warming has largely been blamed for the survival and spread of the Asian Hornet”

The spread of the hornet for some reason is not largely due to the shipment of pottery with the stowaway hornets to France where the Asian Hornets had no natural predator. I am not a specialist in bees or hornets but 85 nests in an area that has a diameter of 40 miles does not sound particularly alarming. I can almost bet I can show as many squirrel nests from my house to the end of the road. Does that mean Global Warming has caused the spread of Squirrels around my home? No, I think it is more likely that like squirrels Global Warming propaganda is partial to NUTS!!!

Global Warming Alarmists totally ignore the damage done everyday through the introduction and subsequent infestation of non-native species into ecosystems throughout the world.. Some non-native species introduction is accidental as cited in the article on Asian Hornets above, others are done through negligence and some introduction of non-native species is done intentionally.

In 1988 the United States was unintentionally introduced to the Zebra mussel. It is believed that ships from foreign waters discharged their ballast water, which likely contained Zebra mussel larvae, into US and Canadian waterways. This began the infestation. Or was it Global Warming? The Zebra mussel is particularly damaging as they, like most non-native species introduced into new ecosystems compete with native species for small zooplankton and phytoplankton which is the staple of larval and juvenile native fish. The competition for food is hardly a competition when it comes to the Zebra mussel. A single adult female Zebra mussel produces 30k – 300k eggs a year. The Zebra mussel depends on and favors flowing water to aide it in filtering the greatest possible amount of water for zooplankton and phytoplankton. The Zebra mussel has demonstrated it’s aggressiveness and adaptability by actually colonizing the fresh water intake pipes of community water utilities and industries. The infestation is so intense that the water intake pipes actually become clogged. The infestation and damage to water utilities and industries dependent on fresh water intake pipes is so great that there are patents for Zebra mussel water intake filters. Being filter feeders Zebra mussels tend to filter toxins such as PCBs(Polychlorinated biphenyls) and PAHs(Polycyclic Aromatic Hydrocarbons) which they then concentrate hundreds of times greater than what is normally in the environment and pass it on and up into the food chain through the excretion of their fecal matter. The Zebra Mussel infestation may not be caused by Global warming but if in fact the Northern Hemisphere’s temperature rises and is sustained the Zebra Mussel may die off as it cannot breed in geographies where seasonal temperatures are above 27°C. Using the logic of the Global Warming propagandists and alarmists the eradication of the Zebra Mussel infestation in North America could be considered just one of the many benefits of Global Warming as the Earth reclaims once green fertile land which was decimated, frozen and left as wasteland by the previous Ice Age.

Other Non-Native infestations have been introduced purposefully by farmers. One notorious example which has reached near biblical proportions is the introduction of the Cane Toad in Australia. In 1935 100 Cane Toads were imported from Hawaii to Gordonvale, in Queensland. It was anticipated that the aggressive and voracious nature of the South & Central American Cane Toad would cull the populations of French’s Cane Beetle and the Greyback Cane Beetle which were inflicting great losses on the local Australian crops. Since then the Cane toad population has exploded across the Eastern Australian states. The Cane Toad turned out to be completely uncooperative in combating the beetles. Instead the Cane toads consumed the smaller insects that sustained the native Australian frogs and reptiles which in the past helped keep the local ecosystems in balance. The Cane Toad tadpoles consume the food sources of native frog tadpoles, native fry & larva, and later consume the native frog tadpoles themselves. The population imbalance is further offset due to the toxicity of the Cane Toad tadpoles & toads. Birds which would feed on tadpoles, found that the Cane toads were toxic and the birds that ingested the Cane Toads would suffer illness or death, so the Cane Toad was avoided as a food source. This left only the dwindling populations of native frogs and fish fry to support the nutritional needs of local and migratory birds. Cane toads invariably took over nesting areas for all animals surrounding water holes, streams and lakes. Cane toads would literally devastate areas before traveling onward like mongrel toad herds on an insatiable quest to pillage other communities. Native animals found they were all but helpless.

Although the Cane Toad has the advantage currently, Snakes have shown the world that the earth tends to stay in balance. Snakes are an essential part of Australian ecosystems. They have a large part in the control of rodent populations that damage crops, grain storage and spread disease throughout the countryside. The Cane Toad proved to be toxic to snakes which normally feed on native frogs and rodents. Snakes were effected by the introduction of the non-native Cane Toad in a remarkable way. In a fascinating discovery, The University of Sydney, New South Wales found that the Cane Toad toxicity induced a morphological change in the gape size of the Pseudechis porphyriacus and Dendrelaphis punctulatus species of snakes. Gape size is the measurement in which a snake can unhinge it’s jaw and open it’s mouth. The adult Cane toad is much larger than the native frogs of Australia. Prior to the introduction of Cane Toads there were no toads in Australia. Snakes generally do not attack animals that it cannot fit through it’s mouth. Through generations of Snakes the two species adapted. This physical adaptability in such a short period of time is remarkable. Since the Cane toads were larger then the native Australian frogs having a smaller gape size essentially ruled out the toxic Cane toad as a food source for these two species of frogs. The Snakes are not alone in it’s ability to adapt.

In an observed behavioral adaptation species of birds and rodents have found that the poison glands of the Cane Toad can be avoided by turning the toads over on their backs and eating the undersides of the Cane toads. Snakes, Birds, and rodents are adapting to the invasion of the Cane Toad. The speed in which they are adapting is not fast enough for the patience of humans who seem to have difficulty teaching their offspring to not put the toxic animals in their mouths or shielding their house pets from the sometimes fatal torment of the toxic toads.

What about Global Warming? Is Global Warming to blame? I guess it depends on your point of view. If you are on the side that believes that the observed climate change in Eurasia & North America between 40°N and 70°N and nearby planets has been caused by mankind and that the climate’s recently observed change is responsible for all maladies known and unknown presently and not as it is part of geologic and planetary cycles that we have not pieced together yet, I imagine the answer is yes. It should be noted that Australia and the entirety of the Southern hemisphere has not had the slight temperature rise of 0.6°C over the last 100 years that has been exhibited in Eurasia and North America between 40°N and 70°N. In fact the Southern Hemisphere has gotten colder. It seems no amount of ink on the front pages of newspapers, mouth foaming student protests or pseudoscience movies by politicians can seem to slow down the freezing of the Southern hemisphere.



Global Organizations are bent on establishing governing bodies funded on taxes defrauded and bullied from industrial nations and their citizens. Select groups of researchers are banking on never ending grant money. They rant on about doing something, anything at all costs to slow global warming. Their own flawed math show that if all of the goals of the Kyoto Accord were met the effective change on global temperature would be so small that it would not be within the percentage of error of any of the existing computer models offered by Global Warming Propagandists. While this sad comedy in the name of science is played out in front of us, the Ice in the Southern Hemisphere like the heads of Global Warming Propagandists keeps getting thicker. The one thing that is clear is that the earth keeps spinning, temperatures rise and fall, Ice Ages come and go, and plants & animals adapt. Despite the facts, we are being told that everything is because of Global Warming and we are expected to pay a kings ransom to Global Organizations that wish to control more and more of our local governments and very lives.

No, Peter Allen, the spread of the Asian Hornet throughout France is most likely due to the stowaway Hornets from China, which were non-native and had no natural predators in the local ecosystem. Perhaps Federal Express or UPS is to blame, stop this nonsense of blaming Global Warming for everything that is perceived as bad.